The Origins of the False Self
At Life Model Works, we ask a lot of “how” questions. Often in churches, we are told what the Bible teaches, but too often we are not taught how to pull it off in real life. How do we love the people around us like Jesus loves them? How do we love the difficult people in our lives, […]
Happy New Year!
By Jen Pfeiler Happy New Year! I’m sure by now there have been plenty of emails streaming in, promising you deals on how to better yourself in 2024. As humans with an inner desire to grow and mature, we like the idea of a fresh start. We want to be determined that this year will […]
The Green Zone
How can your life become a “green zone”? By Ray Woolridge When I served in the Army deployed in the Middle East, the only “green zone” was near the US Embassy in Kabul, Afghanistan. It may have been the most protected zone in the city, but green it was not. The “green zones” I think […]
The Life Skill of Keeping Your Cool
Did you know that your body knows what you’re feeling even before you do? In neuroscience today we’ve discovered that the right hemisphere of our brain is where our “control center” operates and it’s also responsible for the storage of “experiences”. In simple English this means that everything that you experience, and all the information […]
The Tendency Towards Intensity
There are times even the best parenting advice and guidance does not work. As parents, we need to learn how to stay ourselves with our children even when things go wrong and it seems our best strategies are not working. Thankfully, love covers a multitude of sins. My seven-year-old Matthew has a tendency towards intensity. […]
Becoming a Gentle Responder
Have you ever wondered why it can be hard to respond well to what others say or do? You have intentions of being loving, kind, encouraging, and then you are in a discussion and you find yourself responding with something like sarcasm, anger, or judgment instead of being a gentle responder. Let’s explore this common […]
When Brotherly Love Heads South
I just walked out of the shower this morning when I heard my son sobbing in his room. I was surprised by this sound so I quickly ran into his room and scooped him in my arms. I asked, “Andrew, tell me what happened!” Between sobs and slobber, Andrew managed to utter, “Matthew says he […]
Subtle Narcissism – Wolves in Sheep's Clothing
In one of my Joy Groups, we are doing an in-depth study about narcissism and how to deal with it both in ourselves and with others. We are learning that there are different ‘’types’’ and different “degrees” of narcissism. Most of us have no problem recognizing the blatant, harsh, self-justifying, defensive kind. There’s no question […]
How to Return to Joy
This year my family had a lot going on for Mother’s Day. It was busy. In fact, it was so busy that it did not work for us to celebrate Mother’s Day like we usually would – on the day, together as a family. We decided to reschedule my Mother’s Day celebration to another time […]
I Missed My Son's Stop Sign
Recognizing overwhelm signals (Skill 9) and staying connected during intense emotions without going over the top, known as interactive quieting (Skill 15), are two key skills we need to sustain healthy relationships. In an ideal world, we develop these skills early in life as parents, family members, teachers, coaches, etc. use these crucial skills to […]
My Mad Mommy Moment
The other day Andrew was not doing what I asked him to do. He was repeatedly getting distracted from his task. I felt my frustration intensify with each reminder. By the fourth reminder I yelled, “Andrew – DO IT NOW!” As soon as the words flew out of my mouth I observed his little face […]
The Appreciation Tree
This morning Andrew woke up in a sour mood. I noticed his brain’s relational circuits (RCs) were off and after several attempts to help him turn them on again, none of the normal solutions worked. His whining continued, even after I took some time to attune with his feelings and comfort him in his upset. […]
What's Missing? The Immanuel Lifestyle!
Last weekend I attended the Annual Gathering of folks who love Life Model Works. The focus was Living an Immanuel Lifestyle. I heard two speakers, both heads of ministries, say, “I was missing something in my relationship with Christ–and what I was missing was the relationship.” We spent the next two days looking at this […]
The Fun of Joy and Rest
My oldest son Matthew is now in school full days, so I try to find meaningful ways to connect with Andrew when he is home. Andrew is the youngest child behind his big brother, Matthew, who happens to have a very big, out-going personality, Andrew tends to take a backseat to Matthew’s antics during interactions. […]
Appreciation Changes Everything
Just before bed last night I had an upsetting interaction with a friend. It was not a fight or an argument, but I was worried about her. In the past, something like this would have ruined my sleep. Yep; in days past this distress would have spun out my mind. I would have replayed the […]
Abraham's Rare Skills
I was reading from Genesis 22 – the story of God asking Abraham to sacrifice Isaac – and I noticed that Abraham says, “Here I am” three times in the passage. It stood out to me as the same words Samuel says when he thinks Eli is calling him (1 Samuel 3), and the same […]
The World Needs What the Life Model Provides
We were first introduced to the Life Model in 2006, by Karl Lehman, and attended our first Thrive Training in 2007. Thrive Training and many of the other Life Model resources we have used have been very beneficial to our individual growth and healing, as well as to our marriage. We have also witnessed over […]
Flames of Fury
The other day Chris and I had a couple of interactions that did not go smoothly. Ok, this is an understatement. I walked away from them feeling FURIOUS. I felt boiling mad…imagine steam coming out of my ears! I tried to calm down, but it wasn’t working like usual. Thankfully, the kids were not around […]
Creating a Family Culture of Appreciation
The jar sits on our dinner table along with a stack of little slips of paper and a pen. When I sit down at the table, alone or with others, my first thought is what I appreciate from that day. I pause, pick up the pen and fill out a couple of pieces with a […]
The First to Stop Wins
During the last couple of weeks, we have noticed increasing overwhelm levels in our household. I believe much of this could be avoided. You see, overwhelm happens when the people around us fail to stop, pause and “tone it down.” Observers miss the subtle and sometimes not so subtle cues we show that scream, “You’ve […]