What is Church Hurt?
Church hurt occurs when someone experiences emotional, spiritual, or relational pain within a church community. It can happen in various ways: through unhealthy leadership, judgmental attitudes, exclusion, betrayal, and manipulation. Because the church is often seen as a place of safety and trust, hurt that happens there can cut especially deep.
To understand the real meaning of “church,” it helps to look at the Greek word ἐκκλησία (ekklesia), which is first used by Jesus in Matthew 16:18 –
“And I tell you that you are Peter, and on this rock I will build my church, and the gates of Hades will not overcome it.”
Ekklesia means “the called-out ones” and refers to a gathering or assembly. In classical Greek, the term was often used to refer to a gathering of citizens summoned for a specific purpose, such as a public assembly in a city-state. The Greek Septuagint often uses ekklēsia to translate the Hebrew word qahal, meaning “assembly” or “congregation,” particularly of Israel gathered for worship or instruction.
Jesus builds on this concept but applies it to His followers, creating a new spiritual community united by their faith in Christ, not a physical building or institution. Jesus emphasizes that He is the one who builds the church, not human effort alone. This reaffirms that church, at its core, is about relationships—with God and with one another. When these relationships are broken or misused, the pain can feel profound because it violates the very essence of what the church is meant to be and what we need as relational beings to thrive.
Church hurt typically comes from people within the church—leaders, members, or even systems that fail to reflect Christ’s love. When those who represent God act in ways that wound others, it can shake someone’s faith and leave lasting scars.
Signs of Church Hurt
Recognizing church hurt is the first step toward healing. Here are some common signs that you or someone you know may be dealing with church hurt:
- Loss of Trust in Church Leaders or Members
If you’ve experienced broken promises, manipulation, or unethical behavior from church leaders or members, it’s natural to feel hesitant about trusting others in the church again. You may be wary of trying to connect with a new church or spiritual community. Past wounds can make it hard to believe a healthier experience is possible.
- Feelings of Shame or Guilt
Legalistic attitudes can leave people feeling like they’re “never good enough” for God or the church community. This toxic shame often disconnects people from God’s grace instead of encouraging them to discover who God created them to be.
- Avoidance of Church or Spiritual Practices
Church hurt can make attending services, engaging in prayer, or reading scripture feel triggering rather than life-giving. People may avoid church altogether to protect themselves from further pain. The loneliness that follows can compound the pain.
- Questioning or Abandoning Faith
When hurt happens in a space that claims to reflect God’s love, it can create confusion about God’s character. Many wrestle with doubts, questioning if they still believe or where they fit in their faith.
- Deep Anger or Resentment
Lingering feelings of betrayal or unfair treatment often manifest as anger toward individuals, the church as a whole, or even God.
Why Church Hurt Matters
Church hurt matters because it affects people at their core. It impacts not only their relationships with others but also their relationship with God. For many, church is supposed to represent the hands and feet of Jesus. When that space becomes a source of harm, it’s deeply disorienting.
But church hurt doesn’t have to be the end of the story.
Steps Toward Healing
While healing from church hurt is deeply personal and often takes time, here are a few steps to begin the journey:
- Acknowledge the Hurt: It’s okay to name your pain and recognize that what you experienced was not God’s design.
- Find Safe People: Surround yourself with trusted friends, mentors, or counselors who can walk with you as you process the hurt.
- Rediscover Who God Is: Sometimes, church hurt distorts our view of God. Spend time reconnecting with His true character through Immanuel journaling or guided Immanuel sessions.
- Explore Healthy Community: It might feel terrifying to trust anyone, but it’s not just hurt that comes from community, healing does too. Take your time getting to know new people, observe their character, recognize areas where it is hard for you to trust, and lean into taking baby steps toward connection.
- Seek Professional Help: If the pain feels overwhelming, consider working with a therapist or pastor trained to help people heal from spiritual and emotional wounds.
Hope Beyond the Hurt
If you’ve experienced church hurt, you’re not alone—and your story isn’t over. God’s heart is for restoration, and He longs to heal the broken places. While people may fail, God’s love never does. Finding hope and community again is possible.
Let’s be a people who create churches where love, grace, and truth abound—a reflection of the true meaning of the ekklesia. As the called-out ones, we are meant to embody Christ’s love and unity, creating a place where others experience Jesus’ heart, not human hurt. Healing starts when we acknowledge the pain, extend compassion, and pursue a better way together.
By Jen Strohkorb, Life Model Works Content Creator
