By Marlene Allen
“Mom! Dad! Look! Look at me!” is the cry of a young heart.
“Look at me. See me. Validate me. Affirm me. Help me become my own person by acknowledging that my actions have meaning. Enjoy this moment with me. It’s part of me forming my own personality. It’s me venturing out to try something, perfect something, or accomplish something. Your nod of approval or even a simple ‘That’s nice,’ speaks volumes to my heart, helping me complete infant-level tasks.”
Moments like this happen hundreds of times in the lives of little ones, but it is our response that makes it memorable. There is an invitation to connect, which is always a sacred space. The “I want you to engage with what I am doing” beckons a holy space response that begins to help the child complete infant-level maturity tasks. A simple nod helps them receive affirmation and builds the child’s trust that you are there when they need you. It helps them live in joy as you share the joyful moment, expanding their joy capacity while providing space to discover who they are. A response as simple as “Yay! Nice!” is loaded with all these benefits and more.
But sadly, some invitations to connect are met with “Stop that!” or “That’s stupid!” or are not acknowledged because a device has captured all the attention available at that time, resulting in none of the benefits mentioned. During the infant stage, an invitation to connect is an invitation to help the child learn to receive. When this holy space is ignored, the result is a gap in the child’s maturity.
Whenever Life Model Works teaches about maturity levels, we are mindful of how tender this subject is for many. Just reading this blog so far may be painful for some because they did not receive the positive benefits of affirmation and encouragement. This usually leads to low-joy and low-trust environments.
As a small group read through the maturity indicator charts in the Living from the Heart Jesus Gave You book, someone said, “Wait. That ‘learns to trust’ one carries a sting to it.” Another said, “Yes, that one doesn’t feel good.” They both shared that they could not trust their parents from the time they were little. The small group took their cues to help them complete this task because the beautiful redemptive part of the maturity indicator charts is that a healthy, loving community can help someone complete tasks left undone by their families of origin. The group realized these two people were the most consistent in attendance. They shared vulnerably, looking to see if others would too. They offered an invitation for the group to help them trust and fill in the gap.
Another young lady in a different setting admitted that because she was the oldest child, she had been expected to help with the other children. This carried on into adulthood as her siblings relied on her financially. Her window of time to learn to receive had been cut short by adult responsibilities. When she shared that birthday parties were always for them, a celebration was arranged despite her objections. She deserved to be celebrated and needed to learn how to receive it. She confided in her closest friends that she was entering a season of learning to receive and invited them to help her. Pleasantly selfish, she permitted herself to receive without feeling obligated to reciprocate. She explained that the season would be bare of the little gifts she loved to lavish on them but asked them to instead share compliments, gifts, or help so she could close her infant-level gap of receiving.
Another dear follower of Jesus has a very busy schedule that involves going places with different people several times a week. There is the feeling of FOMO, the fear of missing out, which is another indicator of not learning how to receive in a healthy way. Churches tend to fuel this by advertising a meeting with, “You don’t want to miss this”. The opposite of FOMO was posted anonymously on social media as JOMO, which is the joy and contentment of missing out. FOMO is fear-based, while JOMO is peace-based and creates space for God to speak. FOMO also indicates a lack of trust that God will lead us to what is best for us. In the JOMO, waiting is the opportunity to respond to God’s invitation to connect, which builds our level of trust, another infant-level maturity skill.
We all have gaps in our maturity, but the good news is that they are all REDEEMABLE. What our parents, caregivers, or extended family did not do, our community can. We invite you to look at the maturity indicator charts with fresh eyes, asking God to reveal any areas with gaps and a plan to close them. Let’s ask God to increase our awareness of the daily connection invitations from family members, friends, and co-workers. Remember, a healthy, loving community can significantly fill our gaps and support our personal growth. The maturity charts can be found in our signature book, Living From the Heart Jesus Gave You, which is available on our online store.
