By Jennifer Cochrane
At 45, I began the painful but freeing process of learning to live from the heart Jesus gave me. Ironically, it was “church hurt” that became the catalyst for discovering true healing and identity.
I was raised in environments steeped in legalism and performance-based Christianity—a rigid home, a fundamentalist school, and a denomination more focused on theology than genuine connection. Joy—the deep assurance that God and others delighted in me—was missing.
I internalized damaging messages:
- God’s acceptance was conditional.
- I was inherently worthless.
- My emotions and needs were dangerous and needed to be suppressed.
After becoming a believer at 32, these lies only deepened as I absorbed teachings on biblical womanhood: that my primary role was to serve men, that my discernment was inherently flawed, and that forgiveness meant unconditional relationship—regardless of harm.
These teachings fractured my sense of self and left me with no voice, no confidence, and a deep ache I couldn’t name. When my suppressed emotions of grief and anger finally surfaced, I felt overwhelmed and lost.
But in that painful season, I began to hear God’s voice for myself.
One night, in the midst of my confusion, I heard Him whisper:
“You have value to Me. And I’m not okay with the way you’re being treated.”
It was a turning point.
God gently began dismantling the lies that had bound me. I slowly reclaimed my agency and began trusting my own discernment again. Though I wrestled with triggers—tightening in my chest, swirling anxious thoughts, and a sense of dread when stepping into traditional church environments—they gradually lost their power as I allowed God to meet me in my pain.
God’s promises of “hope and a future” (Jeremiah 29:11) and “wide open spaces” (Psalm 18:19) began to manifest. He provided a life-giving, multi-generational community at work and supportive friendships that mirrored my true identity. Healthy men in my life challenged my distorted view of masculinity, showing me compassion and kindness. These people held space for my grief and didn’t rush my healing process. Over time, I began to see myself through heaven’s eyes and experience the joy and freedom I had longed for.
I also began learning about attachment, relational circuits, and fear/love bonds, which brought clarity to my past and healing to my present.
Looking back, I’m amazed at God’s faithfulness to redeem what was broken.
If you’re walking through the pain of “church hurt,” know this:
God’s commitment to your healing is deeper than your own.
Courageously face the pain.
Let Him untangle the lies.
And ask Him to bring even a few safe, like-hearted people who will walk with you toward wholeness.
From Living from the Heart Jesus Gave You, p.20:
“Central to the Christian experience is an unchanging belief that God is at work in all things for the good of those who love Him (Rom. 8:28), and that means all things. He is particularly at work when we are stuck in pain that seems to be endless and meaningless. The time-honored Christian approach to pain and wholeness involves our activity as well as God’s: His work in us is to bring redemption to all of the traumas that have broken us, and our work is to strive for maturity as we progress to wholeness. The word ‘redemption’ is sometimes difficult to understand, simply because it is used in so many contexts. Here is the way it is used in the Life Model: Redemption is God bringing good out of bad, leading us to wholeness, and the experience of God’s amazing power. Redemption means that out of our greatest pain can come our most profound personal mission in life.”
