Who am I?
It’s not just a question that I need to fill out on an “About Me” page, nor is it an easily answered question.
Each one of us is constantly on a journey of discovering who we are. Often, we use what others say (both vocally and through their reactions and behavior) about us to help us form an answer.
The problem is that many of us have built an understanding of “who we are” based on faulty information.
Have you ever actually paid attention to what your “inner dialogue” voice is telling you about yourself?
I believe that “inner voice” is often a recording of voices that spoke loud and clear into our identity center over the years past.
Some of us are blessed to have had people in our lives like the maid in the movie The Help who spoke to said things like, “You is kind, You is smart, You is important”.
A Joyful Identity
When this is written on our identity at a young age, we believe it. It becomes the underlying root of who we are. This is a joyful identity.
A joyful identity or as I like to call it, a “Joyful Me” is what happens when our brain receives these messages over and over again and there is no doubt that we are worthy of someone being glad to be with us.
When we have a “Joyful Me”, our inner voice tells us things like, “Yes, you can!” and “Yes, they do like me!” Our “Joyful Me” gives us the stability to be open to relating to others as well as a persona that invites others to join us in healthy relationships.
Sadly, many of us have not had that experience.
I grew up with an inner voice that told me quite the opposite of “glad to be with you”. In my early years, I experienced painful things like abandonment and sexual abuse. Both of those messages engraved in my identity that I was the opposite of a joy and a delight to people.
I did have some joyful experiences and a mother that did her best to let me know I was loved, however, in my brain, the negative voices became louder.
I would bet today that I’m not the only one who experienced this either.
Strange how the messages of the enemy tend to be shouted and override the whispers of our gentle Father.
Without a “Joyful Me” in control of my inner running dialogue, I found myself listening to and LOOKING for any negative voice or action to confirm my inner beliefs that I was unworthy of joy and healthy love.
It seemed that everywhere I looked I was able to see negative things. I saw people rejecting me, and responded inside with “See, I told you so, you’re not valuable”. I heard people criticize something about me and responded internally with “Yep, they’re right, I am bad, ugly, horrible”. I looked around and saw that I was often alone and would internally chalk up one more account of “Nope, not worthy of attention here”.
Every time I did this, I increased the distance between who I really was, with who my past told me I was.
A New Voice
It wasn’t until I began to let Immanuel start speaking to my identity that I was able to overcome. As I started to meet with Immanuel with the Share Immanuel process and ask Him questions like, “Do you love me?” and “What do you think about me today Jesus?” I was stunned with how different His responses were.
It wasn’t easy at first, for He was telling me things that felt like the OPPOSITE of what I had been hearing my whole life.
But He kept saying it.
He kept telling me He was glad to be with me. He kept telling me that He loved me. He kept smiling when I looked at Him, and He kept telling me new and exciting things about who I am.
Slowly but surely, my Joyful Me began to emerge. Today I can honestly say that I am smart, I am kind, and I am important. I can remind myself when negative situations arise that I am beloved and beautiful and worthy of the affections of the Great I Am.
The voice of Immanuel now writes on my identity and erases the painful lies I had been repeating for years.
So, who am I? I am someone Immanuel is glad to be with. Who are you?