Can you identify a time in your life when you were wrought with worry and dread? Your shallow breathing and tense body gripped you. Something was, missing: the skill of effectively quiet our thoughts or body.
When we teach this skill at Thrive we call it Skill Two, the skill of “Quieting” or “Shalom.” The ability to return to shalom after both joyful and upsetting emotions is the strongest predictor of life-long mental health.
Skill Two Characteristics
- A primary commodity that keeps relationships balanced.
- Releases serotonin on an “as needed” basis to recharge our relational battery.
- Follows Skill One to soothe our body and calm our mind.
Relationships require a rhythm of joy and rest. When it comes to relational skills, every generation can only transmit what they learn and use. As skills drop out, generations spread undesirable traits.
The absence of Skill Two causes
- Behavioral issues
- Personality disorders
Skill Two is difficult to identify because replacement patterns are socially acceptable. We replace quiet and rest with BEEPS in the form of:
Synthetically calming our emotions and ignoring rest signals create strain and dysregulates the brain. BEEPS replace the natural ebb and flow families rely on. We pass this deformity on and call it normal.
Signs that rest is needed
- Little to no eye contact
- Extreme energy levels (low or high)
- Feeling of being overwhelmed
- Tension with others
Methods to Practice Resting
- Silent retreats
- The Sabbath
- Exercise that calms the mind
Skill Two is best learned by spending time with people who rest. Like all of the nineteen skills, Skill Two is relationally transmitted. Over time, quieting begins to replace previously learned behaviors that replaced a genuine need for rest.
Rest is a gift we give other people. As we demonstrate this skill we become experts at recognizing the need for rest. We allow others the freedom to rest. Rest is one of the most productive skills we can practice.