Today I want to share with you an excerpt from my Immanuel Journal. It’s not necessarily in the “Joyful Journey” format, but I think it demonstrates His ability to walk me through hard things so well that it’s worth sharing!
I hope that you get a glimpse of His love as you read this, knowing that He is not only capable, but exceptionally good, at helping us when we are weak- even when our weakness is in connecting with Him! This particular time with Jesus started in a disconnected place and ended in a truly joy-filled encounter with Immanuel! We call these Five Bar Moments, and you can learn all about them at Thrive and in Restarting!
Father- I really don’t feel like journaling today. But I know how much I need your joy. Today is a coaching day and I need you to be especially connected. I don’t know why I’m feeling disconnected. I think I understand the way some of my clients feel to some extent- about not truly “feeling” things when you speak. But I have had so many times where I am fully connected, and I do feel your presence and love… I can’t imagine always feeling “blah” like this. It’s kind of strange because I’m not miserable- I’m not upset- I’m content for the most part- a little tired, but just not in the mood to force a conversation. And I hope you know I mean no disrespect with that statement! But that’s just it- sometimes it does seem like I’m forcing a conversation- and that’s what my clients must be feeling too.
Lord, if this “feeling” is brought on by the enemy as an attack, I ask you to take care of it and remove it from me. If it’s from you to help me understand my clients better- then use it to teach me how to break through it!
I see Jesus by the stream we often meet at. He smiles at me with that grin that looks like an adventure. This place and that smile are something that has drawn me in many times before. As the scene “freezes” like a picture in my mind, I know I either need to write it down to get it to continue or be prompted verbally. Now what Lord? What do you want to do today?
I sense that Jesus is just really glad to be with me. I only feel it like a four or five though- but I can tell that he means it like a 10.
Just like I can hear- and then see- and then feel the breeze that just came by!
I feel like this last sentence is important- that this could be a source of hope for many. I felt hope rise up in me as I heard the trees in the distance rustling. Then when I could actually see the tree tops sway, I felt even more hope arise! All of this happened before I ever actually “felt” the wind on my skin!
A thought occurs to me that when I’m not “feeling” it- that there’s a part of me running the show that doesn’t have full access to emotions and feelings. That part of me knows “OF” emotions and can logically be aware of what they are, but that would explain the 4 or 5 “feeling” for me. (LEFT BRAIN!!!) Jesus beckons the real me, the whole me, the right brain me… that contains emotions- and I feel YOUR presence much stronger. I feel warmth and a slight pressure in my chest and the front of my head. Warm and alive- I’m glad to be with you Jesus! Thank-you for inviting me to go deeper.
My perceived words from Jesus
Dear one- how I love you! Let’s dance in the stream together! There are no rocks, just soft earth beneath our feet. I want to twirl you and hold you in my arms. I want to wash your feet in the cool water and sing a love song softly in your ears.
I hear my beloved sing (an old Bryan Adams song!) “Everything I do- I do it for you”
Look into my eyes- you will see- what you mean to me.
Search your heart- search your soul- and when you find me there, you’ll search no more!
Don’t tell me, it’s not worth tryin’ for.
You can’t tell me, it’s not worth dyin’ for
You know it’s true, everything I do, I do it for you!
Look into your heart, you will find, there’s nothing there to hide.
Take me as I am, take my life- I would give GAVE it all, I would (DID) sacrifice!
Don’t tell me it’s not worth fightin’ for, I can’t help it- THERE’S NOTHING I WANT MORE!
You know it’s true- everything I do…. I do it FOR YOU!
This “dance” with Jesus by the creek in my mind is a five bar moment now. This memory is one that I can still connect to and remember, and feel totally loved. I can still “see” in my mind how he held me and sang softly this tune in my ear. I know how important I am to Him, and I know that searching for Him is worth trying for!